All you need is to PIVOT once!

WoW, WE'RE HERE!! Back on the blog 3 years later!! What is happening!!!

I don't even know where to start. So much has changed and happened for me over the last 3 years! I'm in a whole new decade!! We're in a whole new decade! Literally!

Obviously I've learnt and gained and lost some thangs along the way, so lets talk about that.

I'll begin with my relationship status, SINGLE!!! and still loving it, although I am actively opening myself up to the playing field. I'm ready for love!
I last blogged in 2017, which was the ending of a very toxic relationship. By the way, this blogging thing has always been therapeutic for me and I feel like being a lot more open about my personal life... because I feel like it. It may change tomorrow, but this is today.

So the toxic relationship started from a place of depriving myself of meaningless attention from the opposite sex for about 2-3 years. I finally wanted to date and the devil heard me! I'm not even joking. The guy I temporarily opened myself up to was hell on earth.
It started out so well. He was dork (dark) 6'3, dressed well, sooo funny, a little hood and very respectful. He was very transparent about his feelings, his shortcomings and pursued me with intention to make me his 'one and only'. Little did I know, this was a facade.

We became so infatuated with each other so quickly, that I did not allow myself the space to register how I truly felt about him and whether or not he was what I was looking for in a husband. YES A HUSBAND! Cause I don't date for the sake of it.
Being that I was receiving all this attention, I latched on way way waaay too soon.

Long story short, he became too much, to the point he was mainly the only person I spoke to and saw (which is not like me).  He slowly started to manipulate me and became quickly verbally abusive. The crazy part was, I never saw how affected I was by all of it until I made my exit!

Walking away from that situation was the most exhausting experience. It took me years to build back my self esteem again and find myself. I'm still in that process. Which brings me to a refreshing conversation I had today with a friend.

She basically told me I'm yet to find my sauce! loool
I find it funny, because it's the realest and truest statement of 2020 so far. Ladies, do you know how saucy you are? Do you know yourself through and through? I genuinely thought I knew myself but I can now see that there's so much more information I'm yet to find out about ME.
Relationships teach you a lot about your characteristics I believe, but it shouldn't just be in a relationship that you gain more knowledge. I'm realising in this single hood (it's quite ghetto here I might add), how important it is to spend QUALITY time WITH yourself.
I've been quite neglectful which is probably why I've allowed myself to be in situations that did not serve me. It's a startling discovery because I spend a lot of time alone and I thoroughly enjoy my own company, however I think I need to give myself permission to stand firmly in who I currently am, who I'm becoming, who I'm going to be and HOW I'm evolving... who would of thought at my big big age I'd be rediscovering myself. And that's not a negative outlook, I'm a different person to who I was last week. I'm constantly changing for the better.
There are ingrained parts of me that will never settle for less than what I want (in and out of a relationship), however there are sides to me that are underdeveloped.
I'm committed to finding my sauce! haha

We can shift into a healthier place as soon as we are willing to do the work.

''Give me 7 decades of patterns and still all you need is to pivot once and do it differently'' -Vienna Pharaon 

I'll be sharing my thoughts more often and I hope whoever reads these posts can relate or gain something positive from my transparency. Ok byeeee (for now) ✌✌✌

Style Tip- To be loved, one must know love and that starts with self!