That Fine Line

Hey y'all! How's (quaran) things?! I hope y'all are keeping sane!

I've been using part of my time to continuously better who I am and also who I can become to others. Looking at why and how I react to certain things and what is at the core of my behaviour patterns. A self-love discovery I guess you can call it!

I wanted to share some thoughts with you.

The other night my homegirl and I were chatting away about how we've both recognised that it's within both of our natures to 'do good'. We constantly extend ourselves to people who have proven nonchalant of our time and energy. 

The chunk of the convo was us going back and forth about whether or not it is redundant to show kindness, thoughtfulness and politeness, when it can sometimes appear the recipient is unbothered.

I then received a text from someone I've not gotten along with for some time, and the 'do good' in me was going to respond to the text out of politeness (you know, as acknowledgement) EVEN THOUGH, every fiber in my body did not want to respond. 

I decided not to. I thought, nope! Why should I?! I don't want to. But then I was struggling with why it felt like SUCH a big (minor) decision.

It begs the question, are you a fool to continuously show love to those who aren't the easiest to love?!  I mean the good book does say 

''Don't throw your pearls before swines...'' -Matthew 7:6

I've always been torn between cutting people off and being patient with them. It's that fine line between protecting yourself and doing what you believe is right regardless. But I had to sit with God and ask whhhhhyyyyyyyyyy? Why do I have to be nice lol why can't I be like those 'chest-high' people that rdgaf?!
The answer is, because God is love and I know his love, I'm convicted to do what I believe is right! And if I want to be a reflection of his love, I have to constantly give! Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance.

''If at the end of the love you give, is to get it back in return, you ain't loving, you're looking out for yourself.' - Miss Viv King

Sylvia and I also briefly spoke on forgiveness. We as humans sometimes harbor things in our hearts thinking we've forgiven and moved on, but the true test is your attitude to towards the person later on down the line. Are you cutting your eyes at them in your heart? lol
It's easy (for some) to be fake enough to say 'Hi' but that rooted wound of hurt will always show face in tension. You can't disguise tension, it's the most bold faced energy of them all. Forgiveness sets you free and eventually the other person, that's if they've internally done the work too.

Last night I was scrolling through instagram and my insta bud Vivian coincidentally explained my findings so perfectly! If you're on insta her name is @missvivkingx.

This is some of what she shared:

A real self-love journey teaches you to love others as yourself. It teaches you to see yourself in other peoples weakness, to identify in what makes us all human! You learn not to put yourself above anything because you too are capable of the absolute worse.
A true self-love journey teaches empathy, understanding, grace, how to make room for the human dysfunction and errors.

Outside of the love of God, you find a type of love that keeps records of how much they've done for you, how you didn't show up for their sake, it's transactional, if you aren't loving... that's not love. It's a transactional activity in disguise.
Christ teaches the sort of love that fills your heart with godliness, goodness, patience, kindness, not-self seeking, not prideful...truly living LOVE, it pushes you beyond yourself & it puts your pride on the line every time!!

It feels uncomfortable to you, its self-sacrificing, but it reaches out for others & build bridges!!
It makes things right, where there are wrongs, it pulls your heart to love those who aren't easiest to love, to love those who do very little for you, to love those who you gain nothing from... it makes allowances for hurt & disappointments!!

That fine line is balance. Finding the balance between guarding your heart in wisdom and allowing grace to fill the gap! God sacrificed his life for us, so the least we (I) can do is continue to love on (from a distance) those that probably need it most, irrespective of whether it is earned, deserved or unappreciated. 
Easter is around the corner so I'll definitely be writing up on LOVE (my favourite subject) and the ultimate love story.

STYLE TIP- Make allowance for each other's (fashion) faults, and forgive anyone who offends you (in style). 

Jacket- Charity Shop
Top- EBay
Jeans-Newlook
Boots- Zara
Glasses- HM